I am sitting in my car in the parking lot of a Container Store having a very first world problems situation. There are a dozen other people sitting in their cars also waiting for it to open. I am returning some items that were purchased for me with the understanding that I could return what I didn’t want. I really dislike returning things and it baffles me that people buy things with the intention of returning something. That would tie up your time and money in a maybe purchase. Every time I return something I feel like I am trying to trick the store and if they aren’t onto my scheme maybe I’ll get my money back. But even if it goes well I spent time and mental energy to do it. That’s my attitude, but I probably wait too long and overthink things.
Looking back it was quite a month. I had a very important relationship milestone and marked with my first tattoo, the number 10, in a digital font. The tattoo has many layers of meaning for me and the holder of its matching tattoo. It's very special and I feel loved.
At work we launched a new version of our software and had some other productive milestones.
I reached a health (weight) milestone.
All in all I feel pretty good? I've been attempting to insert myself into my own life more.
This lizard lived in my houseplants for a few days before I coaxed it back outside. I thought about leaving it in the house but thought it should be outside with the delicious bugs and its lizard friends. It did motivate me to get more plants and turn the dining room into a jungle. I am millennial, I need houseplants, not a dining room.
I got the clam of my dreams. Really. Actually it isn't a dream come true, because it never even occurred to me I might get this species of giant clam.
Its been nearly two months since I got rid of social media (expect for linkedin... sigh) and I don't miss it particularly. Though not having social media is kinda lonely. I don't know that that gets mentioned in think pieces about giving up social media. I have trimmed a lot of digital outlets and services from my life. I am attempting to get rid of as much as I can so I can see what I miss. In place of social media I have been listening to records and reading fiction. Which is lovely. I also watch a shit load of youtube and scroll through the web. So don't give me medal quite yet.
It feels like I haven't done much with friends this month but I don't think that is really true? The month started with a big party. I've had more time to myself which I think contrasts the time spent with others. Some dear friends had a party to celebrate their marriage. I went to the market with friends a couple times. Walked dogs with friends. I am friends with my coworkers, which is a new one to me. I caught up with my cousin. I politely declined some invitations. My rule has been to go to something if I am at all interested and politely decline if I know I don't want to go. I have hard time saying no. Something to work on.
October 23 is my father's (Michael Max Weil) birthday. He would have been 73 this year. On his birthday I celebrate by going to Whataburger and getting his usual. A Whataburger with cheese, lettuce and mayonnaise only with a Dr. Pepper. He grew up in Corpus Christi, TX where he grew up eating at the first Whataburger.
He is present in my life everyday. I swear I look more and more like him. But maybe that's because I am always getting closer to the age he was when I was a kid.
I got a Tridacna gigas, the true giant clam! Right now its just a few inches long and lives in a little glass box in the guest bedroom. If all goes well this clam will live over 100 years and weigh hundreds of pounds. The photo doesn't do it justice, its colored like shimmering gold and is covered in these electric blue eyes. These clams are super rare and haven't been in the hobby in decades, I never thought I would see one much less have one. Its like a mythical creature is in my house. It seems happy so far. I was going to move it but found it has already put down bissal threads on its little rock!
This clam was not taken from the wild, it was part of a spawning program.
the decline of nature feels like a hopeless cause. it is inspiring to see people like 96 year old Alfred Larson. at his ranch in idaho he has been building and maintaining bird boxes since he was 60. over the decades he has hosted nearly 30,000 blue birds. it inspires me to do more ecological restoration and fills me with hope. over the course of your life one can have a real impact.
i just had to cancel to an reservation, no refund and no expectation of one. my would-be host immediately sent a rude message before i had the chance to apologize and explain. they then sent a a very polite message, but the damage was done. if you are upset or excited step away from situation for a moment. if you can, sleep on it. you might stop yourself from doing something you regret, like being mean or committing to something you can't really handle.
i can't remember the last time i was in an argument. but that's my personality. watching people who argue often it seems like their arguments are frequently rooted solely in their tone of voice. where the topic and the tone do not match. which causes others to feel defensive and respond with a similarly angry tone. starting with calm and kind tone is probably more effective. to be fair that is just how some people communicate. maybe it can help to pay attention to others and your own tones.